


Celebrity Death Match

by MoogieMan



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-02 18:44:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12732144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoogieMan/pseuds/MoogieMan
Summary: This is weird!





	Celebrity Death Match

Celebrity Death Match  
Whose Relationship will survive?  
Story 1 Kick-Ass Jim (KA) or Story 2-What A Beautiful Mess-The End (WM)  
You will have to read the stories above to understand. Both are in AO3 by Moogie Man.  
 

* * *

: Time Of Day Round One:KA takes place after midnight on a schoolnight! How do you say irresponsible?Pam is engaged and almost 30! WM takes place on a Friday evening after work. Easy Call: Round One goes to WM!

  
Activity:Round Two: Pam (WM) is doing homework. Pam (KA) is drunk. This match may be over soon. Round Two-WM.

  
The Pams Round Three: Pam(WM) is full of herself and her art. When her Mom tries to explain Jim’s side, she gets mad. She does come around after putting Jim through Hell! Pam(KA) is too drunk to get a real fix on. The feeling here is she won’t be so happy to see Jim. But that’s just a guess. Round Three-Even. Is KA coming back?

  
The Jims Round Four: Looks easy at first .Jim (KA) comes across as a violent hothead. But, his anger is aimed mainly at Pam’s “friend”. Can you blame him ? He’s on to friend’s game, and he’ll be two hours away . He’s protecting what’s his. Basic rule of the animal kingdom. Jim (WM). on the other hand brings up Roy, when Pam is reminding him (not very nicely, for sure) that she wants to marry him. Low blow! Point deducted, Round four- KA. This is getting interesting, Fans!

  
Concern of others feelings: Round five. None of the four do well here, although both Jims are worlds better than the girls. The guys should shake hands and leave. But they are too in love. (Gag!) Too bad we can’t fast foward to that Apocalypse show, so they could see what Pam (Jenna) looks  like today! But I stray. Pam(KA) didn’t get drunk to dis Jim, she’s just a lush. Of course she wouldn’t be out drinking if she had any respect for him. Pam (WM)knows Jim is coming (That’s what she said,), still insists on making him wait while she and Ben giggle right in his face, and Pam KA is hugging friend in Jim’s(KA)] face. In one corner, you've got a bitch and a wuss, in the other, well, a bitch and a wuss. No points, everyone loses except, the guy who makes barf bags!

  
Honesty: Round Six. Can’t really find any acts of dishonesty from any one of the participants. Pam(Ka) probably would have lied, but she had no idea Jim was coming. Pam (Wm) was so arrogantly sure she’d done nothing wrong, no need to lie . Jim (WM) was sneaky for sure, but not dishonest. Jim(KA) was the most honest. He wanted to kick Pratt friend’s rather large butt, as we all did, who watched the show. (ask  the writers) KA gets the nod, for round six, not sure why.

Score at this point: KA 2 1/2 WM 2 1/2

 

Pam’s Friend: Round Seven: OMG! What a rout. WM’s Ben may be the only class act in the whole match, suggesting that they stop working, when Jim arrives.Jared KA is what we call a douche (sp?). He is obviously trying to bang Pam. He is fat, ugly (Season 5 on tv show), not funny, sneaky, trying to steal another guy’s fiancee, etc. The fact that Pam(KA) is even with this guy ….. But I have no Tasteless categorie. I would stop the fight, and declare a TKO, if Ben hadn’t been laughing at Jim’s ass. Of course, he may have been laughing, not at Jim’s ass, but at Dwight’s fingerprints all over Jim’s ass. (Pretend I didn’t say that!). Anyway round seven goes to WM. KA needs a point.

The Round Eight Future: . Can’t discuss the relationships- that’s what this Death Match is all about. So,this round focusses on the future of the individuals. Pam(WM) married or not will be a paradox. She will be totally oblivious to Jim’s feeling,then think about it, and work things out. I don’t see her becoming a successful artist, which she will blame on Jim, think about it, and make up. She will follow this pattern for almost everything( Her parent’s break up, her cellulite, ISIS, etc….  
Jim(WM) will try the same approach as Pam, but find he’s way too normal to keep up.  
He will run off to the Mohave Desert to find himself. But, instead, he will find a desolate compound where Amelia Airhart, Vanilla Ice, and Freddy Fender still live. Only Pam will notice, even then, only because she has no one to blame for everything, but then Donald Trump is elected, and she is so happy!

  
Pam “KA) isn’t about to stop drinking, so she quits DM and becomes a stripper. Toby also quits, and becomes a stripper. They are marqueed as Beauty And The Beast. No one ever figures out who is who. Jim(KA) comtinues to use his fighting skills quite often. He leaves DM to become an MMA fighter. His first fight is against Conor Macgregor. Macgregor sees Jim take off his shirt, nd begins laughing uncontrollably. He can’t continue, and Jim is declared the winner. Unfortunitely, his next match is against Floyd Mayweather, who only laughs at funerals. So Floyd will be hysterical at the end of that match.  
Ben will graduate, move to Syracuse,and try to forget everything about Pratt, including Pam. Pam will blame this on Jim, then disguise herself as a sick cow, in order to get to Ben.  
Jared will disappear during the Houston hurricane. No one will notice. So the future belongs to the WM team. One point.  
Final Score: WM 41/2 KA 21/2..

So The WM team leaves, holding hands (Their own hands, not each others.) They drive off into the sunset. They get married one year later, and stay married until the tv show is cancelled,. Jenna who played Pam, tells a talk show that part of her, and part of John(Jim) really were in love. Jenna said it was her small intestine.Jim,asked what part of him loved Pam, he replied, “Huh!” It is his best speech since Dwight grabbed his balls.  
The KA team splits right there. Pam goes to AA, JIm to anger management.Pam quits drinking, but slaps Jim, and finds that is even more fun than drinking. Jim is punchdrunk after his match with Mayweather,so he decides he might as well and go all the way,and just be a drunk. Pam is so proud as is Jim when he learns about Pam’s newfound violent streak.They almost get married, but decide not to. Instead, Jim marries a zombie from “The Walking Dead” tv show. He is so drunk, he thinks he is marrying Lori, Rick’s wife from the original show. If you don’t know what I’m talking about consider yourself lucky. “The Walking Dead’s” claim to fame is how any stars get eaten. Violent Pam vows to catch up,and starts by eating Kevin.  
All is well in tv land.


End file.
